First Unitarian Church of Omaha

Omaha, Nebraska

Gay Pride Service

June 22, 2003

Gay Pride: What?s Love Got To Do With It?

Facilitated by: Joe Hoagbin

PRELUDE:    "Theme from Romeo & Juliet"       Nino Rota

            Pat Allender, piano

OPENING WORDS              Joe Hoagbin

We have come into this room of hope
     where our hearts and minds are opened to the future.
We have come into this room of justice
     where we set aside our fear to name freely every oppression.
We have come into this room of love
     where we know that no lives are insignificant.
We have come into this room of song
     where we unite our voices
     in the somber and the beautiful melodies of life.

--Libbie D. Stoddard

CHORAL OFFERING          "The Us of Me"         David Brunner

            Julie Gilreath troupe

LIGHTING THE CHALICE

We light the chalice to celebrate the inherent worth and dignity of every person;

To reaffirm the historic pledge of liberal religion to seek that justice which

Transcends mere legality and moves toward the resolution of a true equality;

And to share that love which is ultimately beyond even our cherished reason,

That love which unites us.

DOXOLOGY #380

Rejoice in love we know and share,

In love and beauty everywhere;

Rejoice in truth that makes us free,

And in the good that yet shall be.

--Charles Lyttle

AFFIRMATION (In unison)

Mindful of truth every exceeding our knowledge

And community ever exceeding our practice,

Reverently we covenant together,

Beginning with ourselves as we are,

To share the strength of integrity

And the heritage of the spirit

In the unending quest for wisdom and love.

--Walter Royal Jones Jr

HYMN #121             "We'll Build a Land"

WELCOME

ANNOUNCEMENTS

OFFERATORY         "What the World Needs Now"       (Bacharach-David)

            David Rosser, soloist

READINGS

READING ONE

Love and Emily Dickinson

Adapted from Alex North

Emily Dickinson is one of America's most famous poets. We all have studied her romantic poetry in high school. But did you know the object of her affection was another women? No?. they never told you that in school.

Emily was an avid letter-writer who corresponded with a great number of friends and relatives. 1000 of these letters survived her death, and they show her letter writing to be very similar to her poetic style--enigmatic and abstract, sometimes fragmented, and often forcefully sudden in emotion.

Emily often included poetry with her letters to friends. The eight poems that were published in her lifetime were primarily poems submitted by her friends without her permission. Her death revealed 1768 more poems.

The idea of finding out who inspired Emily to write so prolifically has intrigued literary researchers for decades. For a while, the popular assumption was that she had a male mentor encouraging her. But the evidence that is available seems to show that the person who most affected her life and her work was Susan Gilbert--friend, eventual sister-in-law, and Emily's passionate love. This is the woman about whom Emily wrote hundreds of poems, and the person who received three times more poems of any of Emily's other friends.

Susan and Emily probably met at Amherst. They were close friends from the beginning, sharing similar interests and desires. Emily trusted Susan completely, and was very affectionate toward Susan in all their correspondence. While Susan seems to have responded initially, Emily's attention lapsed when Susan became engaged to Austin Dickinson, Emily's brother. For two years, their correspondence stopped completely. When Susan and Austin moved next door, their correspondence resumed again, and Emily continued her expressions of worshipful love.

Scholars who have critically examined Emily's letters note that her letters move beyond romantic friendship to the blatantly passionate. It isn't possible to know how Susan responded to Emily's proclamations of love, her desires to hold and kiss Susan, or her sorrow at being without Susan. When Emily died, all of Susan's letters were destroyed. Reading Emily's letters reveal a woman intensely dependent upon Susan's love, as this letter shows:

It's a sorrowful morning Susie--the wind blows and it rains; "into each life

some rain must fall," and I hardly know which falls fastest, the rain without,

or within--Oh Susie, I would nestle close to your warm heart, and never

hear the wind blow, or the storm beat, again. Is there any room there for

me, darling, and will you "love me more if ever you come home"?--it is

enough, dear Susie, I know I shall be satisfied. But what can I do towards

you?--dearer you cannot be, for I love you so already, that it almost breaks

my heart--perhaps I can love you anew, every day of my life, every morning

and evening--Oh if you will let me, how happy I shall be!

Your own Emily

READING TWO

Because:

Gay and Lesbian Studies 101

By Mark Belletini

Starr King Unitarian Universalist Church

And so one of the members

of the search committee asks me

"But why do you people?"

he really said that, "you people"

"have to talk about it?"

Right.

Well, because:

Because if I feel in love,

You know, with sonnets and everything,

and wanted to name all the stars of heaven

one at a time with a goofy smile on my face

I'd live to be able to.

Because, if I didn't fall in love,

I'd like to grouse a bit,

or work up a bitter Theory

to explain it.

Because, if my lover got run over

by a drunk driver

(it happens, you know,

remember blue-eyed Stewart?)

I'd like to be able to take a few days off work

to cry and stuff, OK?

Because, if my partner-in-life

whom I can't really legally marry because

it upsets someone's stomach or something

suddenly developed an infection

and got Job's sore all over this body

And had to go to the hospital

(you know, just like my friend Stephen)

I'd like to take him there

and hold his hand for a few days

and still get paid on family emergency leave

so I could eat food and pay rent and all.

Because if my lover left me

after fifteen years I'd like to be able to sob

without consolation

and feel suitable depressions

and not have to smile a lot

and pretend to be stunned for months.

Because lying all the time is still wrong, isn't it?

Oh, and because,

whether you believe it or not,

my life is just as important to me

as yours is to you.

READING THREE

Lovers and friends,
I come to you starved
For all you have to give,
Nourished by the food of solitude,
A good instrument for all you have to tell me,
For all I have to tell you.
We talk of first and last things,
Listen to music together,

No one comes to this house
Who is not changed.
I meet no one here who does not change me.

--May Sarton

READING FOUR

I love gay men

Adapted from Charles Karel Bouley

From the Advocate.com

Let me explain. I love gay men. I simply do. I love gay men. Butch ones. Fem ones. Fat, loud ones. Skinny, buff ones. I love gay men, as friends, co-workers, and companions. Everyone should have a gay man in his or her life!

I love gay men because gay men are so wonderful to love. Yes, there are those in our midst who are self-destructive, who make headlines, who appear not to have 12 brain cells left. But I believe they are not the norm. The norm is the gay couple I encounter while shopping at Albertsons, both of them pumped up, arguing over what to bring to a Mother's Day brunch. The norm is the gay male nurse I?m interviewing to be my mom?s home health care worker; he works part-time as a nurse, does in-home support services, lives with a roommate, and is working towards a degree in health care. 

Everyone should have a gay male friend in their life. No one else will be able to make you laugh, cry, or wonder; no one else will make you want to hug him one minute and then shake your head at him the next. Who else knows which hair gel is best from the five he has in the medicine cabinet? Who else will know what movie to see or what play is hot right now? Who else can help you perform a stylish make-over of your living room with simple items you pick up at Target? Who else can provide grooming advice as well as culinary tips all in the same breath?

I love gay men because they survive and thrive. They take what society has thrown at them and learn how to adapt. Most gay men had to develop a sense of self early on in life because they had no role models, no outside guidance to help shape who they are as a person. They had to figure it out for themselves, and most developed a unique and wonderful style of existence and style. That's why some are secure enough to work 9 to 5 and then come home and throw on heels and a wig and do Cher at the local club. They're able to cross lines quickly and effortlessly because growing up they felt already on the outside of what was normal. Gay men got to, and get to, redefine what it is to be a normal man. They get to incorporate things masculine and things feminine all in one--caring with strength, compassion with male arrogance, blatant sexuality with the need for emotional connection--all wrapped up in a single package.

Yes, I love gay men. And I love being a gay male. It sounds stupid. It sounds silly. But when I think of something positive I like about the community, it goes back to my very essence, the very core part of who I am--men, gay men. 

And maybe that's where it all starts for all of us. Maybe we should strip down the politics, the pride, the hype and hoopla and remember what it is we love most, why we're fighting the battles, why we're trying to win the war. Being gay has been so politicized, so scrutinized, so sterilized at times, that many forget what being gay is all about. 

For me, at its core, being gay is about loving men--I mean, really, truly loving gay men, all of them, for all their foibles and triumphs. It's not about the Religious Right or Sen. Rick Santorum; it's not about Log Cabin Republican clubs or the White Party. It's about men, and thank God, Allah, Buddha, and whoever else ...that there are still so many wonderful gay men out there in the world to love.

The next time I'm down on the gay community, feeling torn about who and what I am, all I need to do is look around at my circle of friends, take a walk through a Home Depot or grocery store, pop into a museum, go to the local theater, or the local Bookstore and take it all in. Gay men are the bomb, and being one of them is a blessing, not a condition, a fun adventure, not a curse. 

READING FIVE

"Alone, all alone

Nobody, but nobody

Can make it out here alone."

Maya Angelou

CHORAL OFFERING          "The Great Spirit of Life"

                        --Julia Gilreath troupe

SERMON:      Gay Pride: Whats Love Got to Do With It? — Joe Hoagbin

What is Gay Pride?

It is ALL about love.

Foremost, it is about loving ourselves as gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered persons. It is about being secure in our own identity. Secure in identifying ourselves as being gay to a society that does not encourage nor welcome that admission. It is about realizing that we all are worthy of love and respect as persons. It is pride in standing up to centuries of lies and oppression and refusing to let darkness win. It means exposing and forgiving the oppression of most religions and the lies of the "ex-gay" movement. It is proudly telling the truth about our relationships and our ability to love.

Pride is defined as "a feeling of self-respect and personal worth." And that is exactly what "Gay Pride" is .... a feeling of self-respect and personal worth. Certainly not the simple fact of being gay. It is about self-respect and personal worth being a gay person. Of course in our society, this does not come easily to gay and lesbian people. It is an on-going struggle against homophobia and gender stereotypes.

This has been a hundred year struggle, with significant progress in only the last 50 years! The struggle was suggested in by men in the mid to late 1800's such as Walt Whitman and John Addington Symonds, a Unitarian, who dared to hint at a society where men could love men. In the 1920's and 30's, Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld in Germany opened many doors before the Nazi persecution of gays and lesbians unraveled all his efforts. In the 1950's the Kinsey Report showed there was a significant percentage of the population - about 10% -- who were gay and lesbian ? meaning same-gender love was not isolated. In the 1960?s the American Psychological Association declared that homosexuality was not a mental illness, freeing gay and lesbian persons from that stigma. And in June 1969, at the Stonewall Riot in New York City, gay and lesbian people demonstrated that they were ?mad as hell and weren?t going to take it anymore!? Why were they mad? They were made about police raids and police insults and brutality. They were angry about repression and repressive laws.

So have things improved in the 30 plus years since Stonewall? Of course they have! Gay and lesbian people are out more than ever before, but they still face discrimination at work and in housing. In Nebraska it is still legal to fire someone because he or she is gay. And gay and lesbian people can still be discriminated against in housing because of their sexual orientation.

Gay Pride is also about YOUR love of the gay and lesbian persons in your life. Your love, respect, and understanding. Your understanding that this is not a multiple choice question that we answer in the great SAT exam of life. It is simply the way we are! We must celebrate diversity and envision a society that embraces everyone, including those of diverse sexual orientations and gender identities. Only with respect, dignity and equality for all will we reach our full potential as human beings, individually and collectively.

And lastly, Gay Pride is about the freedom to love.

Last week, a landmark Canadian appeals court decision ruled that Canada?s ban on gay marriage was unconstitutional and the first legal gay marriage ceremony in North America was performed. Canada now becomes the third country to legalize same-gender marriage.

Earlier this year in Massachusetts, seven gay and lesbian couples sued the Commonwealth for the right to same-sex marriage. Same-sex marriage proponents say is a fight for one of the most fundamental rights: to marry who you love.

The plaintiffs cited the American Psychological Association's support of same-sex parenting and, more recently, the American Academy of Pediatrics endorsement to legalize second-parent or co-parent adoptions to same-sex couples as examples of growing support among distinguished social institutions.

Key religious leaders and others representing faiths and congregations that support the quest to secure civil marriage for gay and lesbian couples called on the Massachusetts legislature to avoid siding with any one faith, saying that there were hundreds of congregations and many faiths which support the effort. These religious leaders acted following the move of the Catholic bishops last week encouraging legislators to back a constitutional amendment to forever deny civil marriage to gay couples.

"Marriage is a paradigm for the ideals of cooperation, trust, mutual responsibility, continuity and affection," said Rabbi Ronne Friedman. "Certainly, the same qualities can and do exist for lesbian and gay couples. It is no more in the interest of society to deny legal status to same-gender marriages than it would be to abolish heterosexual marriages."

Rev. William G. Sinkford, President, Unitarian Universalist Association issued a statement two weeks ago:

We know from our own experience the many blessings that gay and lesbian people bring to our communities and congregations. We know from our lived experience in religious community that differences of faith, of race and of sexual orientation need not divide us, that diversity within the human family can be a blessing and not a curse. Unitarian Universalists affirm that it is the presence of love and commitment that we value. For Unitarian Universalists, it is homophobia that is the sin, not homosexuality.

We support these same-sex couples and their families, especially the children they are raising with loving care. Unitarian Universalist ministers have performed religious ceremonies of union for gay and lesbian couples for more than 20 years, and in 1996 the Unitarian Universalist Association passed a resolution calling for the legalization of same-sex marriage. So in this public conversation, Unitarian Universalists offer their religious voice and experience in support of the freedom to marry for gay and lesbian couples and in opposition to any constitutional amendment that would prohibit same-sex marriage.

Well to quote Bob Dylan? ?Times they are a-changing.? Walt Whitman, John Addington Symonds, and the people involved in Stonewall more than 30 years ago would never have believed that same-gender marriage might be within our sight.

In closing this morning I say to you:

Gay Pride: What's love got to do with it? EVERYTHING!

VOCAL RESPONSE           "Greatest Love of All"                      Creed-Masser

                        David Rosser, soloist

HYMN #318             "We Would Be One"

CLOSING WORDS                          Joe Hoagbin

We are part of a web of life that make us one with all humanity, one with all the universe. We are grateful for the miracle of consciousness that we share, the consciousness that gives us the power to remember, to care, and to love.

POSTLUDE               "You'll Never Walk Alone"             Rodgers-Hammerstein

                        David Rosser, soloist